Friday, December 22, 2006

Out of Control

Why are my closets so organized? Why is my condo so tidy? One reason is because the state of my belongings is one of the few things I can control in my life as a Gainfully Unemployed. In my world where a large chunk of my success is determined by others approving of my work.

I can remind my various agents of my existence, but I can't ensure that they'll submit me for any auditions. I can send mailings to casting directors, but I can't make them choose me for an audition after the agent submits my headshot. And, no matter how well I say the copy, I certainly can't make the client choose me from the videotaped auditions...especially if they had a tall blonde in mind.
Nor can I control:
1) scheduling. Shooting on the independent feature film I was originally asked to save two days this week for...has now been postponed until early next year.
2) timing. I can write award winning manuscripts, but I can't make the editors who've requested them respond. I will sell, but when?

As you might imagine, all this can be extremely frustrating. Last night I attended a Winter Solstice yoga class. We were asked to write down something we wanted to let go of and throw the piece of paper into the fire. I chose to rid myself of frustration. As my second effort caught fire (the first fell to the bottom of the fireplace. Hmmm. I needed to see the thing burn.), I did feel calmer.

Can I control how long the feeling lasts?

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